|
 Reflections
I'm not 100% sure I'm going to run with
MeaningfulVolunteer.com. That might seem like an odd sort
of thing to say considering the passion with which I spoke about
it over here and the reactions
it has generated (see below).
Why might I not commit to it? Here are my reasons.
They are strictly from a Malcolm point-of-view and have nothing
at all to do from the world at large.
Kitgum is a mind
blowing place. Sometimes your howl with laughter when a
crazy kid starts
dancing to her own beat; sometimes you have to stop
interviewing ladies because you fear you might break down and
sob at the harshness of
their stories; sometimes you're just numb when you
stare into the
eyes of a lady trapped in the most
depressing of places;
sometimes you want to take hold of the children and tell them
it's going to be all right when they
sing their
depressing songs, but you don't because you know that they're
right and you're wrong; and sometimes you just want to rage and
smash and destroy the greed of
petty Ugandans.
The Philippines also blows my
mind. The beautiful children
looking out at non-beautiful views
or clambering onto moving cement trucks for a handful of
concrete dust; the Filipinas whose
eyes reveal more than
their lack of clothes; the lady who sobs and begs at the town
hall to get her medical expenses reimbursed for her child who
died of malnutrition so that she can avoid losing another one;
and the young girl who doubles over in pain as she utters: "The
day [the government] killed my father was the day they ended my
future" all make me want me to be with them, to help them and to
share their pain.
All these experiences - the happy ones, the sad ones, the
rage-inducing ones and the ones that induce that most horrible
of words: "pity" - are ones that I crave and desire.
I fear that if I really throw myself into
MeaningfulVolunteer.com, then I might lose these experiences and
be trapped in admin-man land. I don't want this, but it is
a real possibility.
On the positive side, MeaningfulVolunteer.com will give me an
income stream and might just allow me to do those things that I
love for the rest of life.
So, it might free me up or it might tie me down.
I can't really see myself not doing it.
MeaningfulVolunteer.com has already taken up a life of its
own...
|
