How to steal money from a money belt in ten easy steps

How to steal money from a money belt in ten easy steps

26^th April 2007

Obtain a job as a security guard.
You'll be issued with a spiffy looking hat and a plastic security badge that would not look out of place in any Texas Ranger^tm playset.
Get assigned to a port
Seaport. Airport. Doesn't really matter, just so long as it has one of those x-ray machines.
Try to look important at the x-ray machine
If this proves too boring, try to see how long you can stand on one leg, or give those nostrils a really good clean.
Wait for a foreigner to come along
Foreigner = Money. (This is the only math you'll be expected to know.)
Beckon for him to take off his money belt and place it along with his cellphone of the conveyor belt of the x-ray machine
Wait for the foreigner to pass through the x-ray machine
You should be good at waiting by now
Make a show of manually checking the money belt and cellphone.
This is the complicated step, so pay attention!
Unzip the money bag and slip the cellphone in as if it has always been there, while helping yourself to some pesos.
Send money belt and cellphone through x-ray machine
Do not smile gleefully.
You may be tempted to as the foreigner walks off, but Resist Temptation! This will give the game away.

Fuckhead.

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