4th May 2006
I spent ten years living in Dunedin and would often extol its virtues to other people. I remember talking to a work acquaintance in Auckland once who was surprised that I was actually from South Auckland as I raved about Dunedin so much.
It's been 230 days since I left Dunedin.
I did not enjoy being back in Dunedin. I can't see myself living there ever again.
It's not Dunedin's fault though. Just being around the place brings back too many bad memories and I slipped into bad old habits. I found myself wandering around town with my face hidden for fear of bumping into people that I knew. Bumping into anyone would of been bad, it didn't matter who they were.
I found myself becoming the Malcolm that I didn't really like being.
Still, I was aware of it and what was happening and knew what to do about it.
i.e. Get the hell out of there.
We also talked about my times in the Philippines. It was nice to report back as some type of success story. I have come a long way from the head space I was in when I left these shores.
Too many of my friends from Ashburn Psychiatric Clinic have gotten into serious trouble after discharge. I tried to find my good mate Desiree Wright while I was in Dunedin, but she seems to have disappeared. I miss you Des! If you're reading this then please try and contact me.
It is hard to write about this without sounding too vain, but I did do many good things while I was in the Philippines. Far and above what many of the other volunteers achieved and this got me a lot of respect within the community. This is probably best summed up by Raymund's kind words.
This a far cry from wandering around Dunedin and being too afraid to look up...
I realized when I was talking to Tara that there are two things that I never write about here on my website.
The first is my time inside Ashburn. I am very open about sharing that I was there and what happened on a day-to-day basis, but not what I went through. Too horrible, too raw and I'd have to talk about people who probably don't want to be talked about. Myself included.
The second is about my marriage breakup with Judy. Inevitably tied up with my time in Ashburn, but still too raw to write about. It is like a festering wound in my side made all the more painful because it is self-inflicted.
I do try to make this website:
Visiting Old Friends
One of the good thing about traveling is that you get lots of stories that are fun to share with people. Sharing stories was a little odd though and went something like this:
I also noticed how passionate I got about the Philippines when talking to other people. I talked about it's problems and how the people struggled day-to-day.
I remember being part of (yet another) therapy group and the first question they asked the group was for each person to explain who they were and what they were passionate about. I found the passion question very hard and couldn't answer it.
I find it nice that I now to have something to be passionate about.
I also visiting Enabling Technologies - the place I used to work at - and caught up with people there. Gary Taiaroa - my old boss - was kind enough to shout me lunch.
One of the guys there said that he saw one of my old mates who asked him what I was doing. He pointed him to www.crazymalc.co.nz. I like it that I have this massive information store about myself and people can just come here and see what I am up to.
I have told everybody that I have met to check out www.crazymalc.co.nz if they want to know what I am doing.
2005 and 2006 Malcolm Trevena.