crazymalc.co.nz - Home Page of Malcolm Trevena

Being Popular

26th February 2006
I accidentally wandered into a wedding the other day. As tends to happens when I wander into public places, several kids come up to me and say "Sir Malcolm! Sir Malcolm!", which is cool 'cause it makes me feel popular. I only sometimes know the kids. I'd recognize anyone from my Grade 4, 5 or 6, but would struggle with the other grades. Which is only a small part of the problem. Just about every Boy Scout and Girl Scout in Dumangas will say hi to me. They all recognize me from the Scout Camp I attended.

Big Noses and Moral Lessons
I am also popular with the ladies. I saw this with no false arrogance. I am white and (by their standards) rich, and therefore highly desirable. This all makes for a nice change really, as I have never been particularly popular with the ladies in New Zealand. Maybe my lack of popularly was due to my rather odd nose. People have often called it big, which is true, but I think its main problem is its odd shape. *shrugs* Maybe I'm just making excuses. Maybe I'm just ugly.

My nose attracts lots of comments. From the simple ("You've got a big nose") to the complementary ("I like your nose").

I also try and use it to teach some moral lessons to the kids at school. The kids will often tease other kids here about really nasty things.

Har! Har! You're mal-nour-ished! You're mal-nour-ished!
Har! Har! You live in a nepia hut! Nepia hut! Nepia Hut!

They do the usual Too-Many-Pimples / Too-Fat / Too-White / Too-Black / Too-Just-About-Anything type stuff as well.

I usually try and say something like: "Yeah, Willhelm does have a lot of pimples and I have a big nose. Isn't it cool that God made us all a little different and we're not all the same?"

Febe Grace, one of my pupils, gets a lot of stick for the large mole under her nose. If she was in New Zealand, I'm sure most parents would pay to have it removed. Febe Grace also lives in one of the aforementioned Nepia Huts, so there is no way her parents would ever be able to afford to have it removed.

There are people around with much worse facial deformities than Febe Grace. The lady living next to me has a huge growth on the top of her nose. She is (not surprisingly) very shy and I hardly know her. There is a guy around town who does not have a nose. I also saw a lady in town whose face looked as if it was melting. I should count myself lucky that my oddest feature is my nose.

Text Flirting
I wrote my cell phone number up on the blackboard so the kids could text me in the wanted to. Cell phones tend to be shared by families here, so giving my number to the kids was the same as giving my number to the whole of Pulao. As a result, I get lots of text messages from eligible young females. Which can be a little awkward.

I try and be polite and reply to them as any decent person would do. The replies turn into conversations and all of a sudden I'm a "text-mate". I then get the inevitable question: "Do you have a girlfriend?", which just start getting awkward. I tell them that I am not interested in any girlfriend, be her Filipino or New Zealander or African. They then seem to get offended as if I have been leading them on.

Meh.

My polite replies somehow turn into offence. At least I spotted the pattern now and can stop it before it starts to get awkward.

One lady has been trying to convert me as well via text. She said that while I am doing good work here, I will still spend all eternity in hell. Harsh. Fire and brimstone evangelism is just cool! Doesn't really gel with the flirting though...

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(c) 2005 and 2006 Malcolm Trevena.
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