crazymalc.co.nz - Home Page of Malcolm Trevena

Flotsam and Jetsam

10^th December 2006
I've been pretty damn busy recently, furiously getting things organised for GrassRootsUganda.com. I haven't been this busy since I worked at Enabling Technologies. I'm loving every minute of it though. Marketing Free Trade products is just fun.

Life continues to go on, and Uganda continues to keep me amused.

Bad Haircuts
Once of the first things I documented in the Philippines was a rather odd haircut-cum-massage, and I figure now that since I am now in Africa I should get an African style haircut.

Africa style is bald or uber-short. School boys and girls get in big trouble if their hair gets much beyond stubble.

So I wandered in one day to see my good mate Sam, and asked him to give me the African once over. Just for a laugh, I decided to keep the tash and the soul-patch (that stoopid little bit under the bottom lip).

Now, I don't actually like tashes. I think a tash on the upper lip in the absence of any other facial hair just looks dumb. Keeping the tash was my reverse protest. I kept the tash for a couple of days.

People had much to say of the bald-tash-soul patch combo. Some said it made me look French, others said it made me look like a super-villain. Looking like a super-villain is kewl.

Not getting shot and arrested
All the guide books gives you big lists of do's and dont's.

Do coat yourself in DEET everyday, sleep under a mosquito net and take anti-malarial medication
I don't do any of this in Uganda and haven't yet caught malaria.

I did it in Ghana though and caught Malaria.

Go figure.

To be fair though, I spend most of the time in the top floor of the guest house in Mukono, which is out of reach for most mosquitoes.
Don't go into the jungle unprepared
Been there. Done that. Wrote the article.
Don't take pictures of military stuff
Lee and I were walking down the road the other day and we saw a bunch of kids with Ugandan flags. We asked them why and they said that the president of Uganda, Yoweri Musseveni, was due to pass.

Whilst in the Philippines I managed to snap (with Shane Stankowski's help) a picture of President Gloria Macgapal Arroyo, or gma as me mate Raymund likes to call her. There is just something about the draw of a celebrity.

So, I perched myself on the front verandah of the guest house and waited. Before long, a whole entourage of cars passed in front of me. Some with sirens blaring, some bedecked with army personal and one with President Museveni in. I got a picture of all of them.

Yay!

The very last member of the entourage was an army pickup. There were three guys in the front, and about eight perched in the back - armed to the teeth. I can remember it so well, as it pulled up in front of the guest house and one of guys beckoned me down.

Not Yay.

I then remembered all those warnings that the guide books tell you about the dangers of taking pictures of military stuff, and realised my mistake.

I said to the guy, "Sorry. Sorry. I will delete the pictures."

He beckoned me again.

I said, "Sure. Sure. Ok. I will delete."

He beckoned me again.

Shit. It was time to stop pushing my luck, and I headed down to see him.

I figured the best thing I could do was put on a stupid smile and be as helpful as I could. I grinned madly as I approached him. He insisted that I delete all the pictures in front of him, which I did. I tried to be a little sneaky and keep a few, but he was too clever.

I shook his hand, wished him well and they were on the their way.

It could of gone a lot worse, but it didn't.

What I should of done though, is swap memory cards on the way down and make a big show of deleting pictures as I was approaching him. I would then offer to give them the memory card as a sign of good faith. My second memory card is something useless like 4 meg, good for all of three of so pictures and it wouldn't be a big deal if I lost it.

I'd show you some pictures of the whole sorry event, but...

The Equator
There are some places that you have to do stuff just because it's the type of stuff you do while being there.

If you're on the stern of a cruise ship, you just have to do the Titanic scene. I'm flying Jack, I'm flying! If you're in London, you just have to try and make the guys with the funny hats laugh. If you're talking to a New Zealander, you just have to make sheep jokes.

And, if you're in a Equatorial country like Uganda, you just have to have a photo taken of yourself with one foot in each hemisphere. So I did.

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(c) 2005 and 2006 Malcolm Trevena.
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