I Know What You Did Last Summer
10th November 2005
What I Did
I was invited around to Nanoy's (the head of the Barangay Captains)
house one evening for dinner. I'm not sure why, but they thought
that I would like to kill the goat that they were going to have for
dinner. Maybe it was my love of cock-fighting,
or my willingness to hunt dog,
or maybe they just wanted to see if the stoopid white man would do
it. Dunno.
They were right though, whatever the reason. I am craving new
experiences at the moment and am up for pretty much anything.
They advised me to take off my shirt, just incase the blood
spurted. This made for some interesting photos.
The are either manly photos, or pasty-white-man photos. I let you
decide.
A couple of guys held down the goat, and I was to drove a knife
through the base of its neck and into its heart. Well, that was the idea anyway.
It bent like a bow and
refused to go in, much to the goat's disgust. Maybe I hit a rib. Maybe the knife was too
dull. Maybe I'm just an flabby weak westerner.
A sharper knife was produced and I slid
it easily into the goat. I was feeling rather primal at this point and
said "Die ya f***er!", much to the amusement of Rowen.
A knife wound to the heart is rarely a healthy thing, and the goat
quickly
bled to death. The locals told me that goat's blood is good for asthma and
makes a great aphrodisiac. Nobody drank any blood that night.
Maybe they already had great lungs and a great, erm.... Maybe I'll just
not finish that sentence. I did say that if we ever did this
again, and a local drank some fresh goat's blood, then I would as well.
Joey, who is the a butcher, began to carve up the animal.
To start with, he cut a small hole in the goat's leg, inserted the valve
from a bicycle pump, and began to inflate the
goat*. This, with the help of some boiling water,
made the goat much easier to shave.
It was then a simple matter, of skinning, gutting
and chopping up the goat. For some reason
that escapes me now, I decided to pose for a picture with the goat's head.
The local chef then turned the goat meat in a delightfully tasty stew.
The skin, lungs, heart and kidneys were combined into a scrumptious side dish.
What I Think
Life on a farm is all about surviving. You raise
livestock. You eat livestock. I have no problem with
that. It is just the same as me buying a juicy steak form a
local supermarket.
In a way though, I kinda regret hamming it up and posing for the
silly photos. It seems a little
disrespectful to the process. Sure, you need to kill the goat, but
you probably don't need to say "Die ya fucker!" and pose for
photos.
But then again, it's just a goat. *shrugs*
All in all though, I'll rack it up to another interesting experience
in The Philippines. I have now killed an animal and eaten
it. Perhaps it is something I could put down on future job
applications.
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Curriculum Vitae for Malcolm
Trevena
Date: 12/4/2008
...
Relevant Experience
-
Enabling Technologies 2004-2005
I worked as a senior software developer and supervised up to 6
people.
-
Volunteer in the Philippines Oct 2005 -
Apr 2005
I killed goats, hunted dogs and became an expert in cock
fighting.
About Me
I'm sure my skills could be put to great use in your organization.
If you need a project managed, or the competition hunted down and
killed like the dogs they are, I'm your man.
... |
* "Inflate the goat" is not a phrase I ever
expected to use.
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