|
Home
About
Contact Me
Pictures of me
Site
Map
Stats
Where
Am I
Volunteering
Philippines
Ghana
Uganda
Archive
2006
2005
|
Local Hangouts in Tabucan
2nd November 2005
So, watcha doing Crazymalc when you're not teaching and being a geeky, but useful, computer geek?
Another good question my friend, I'm glad you asked.
Happy Corner
Happy Corner is a local hang-out with 4 pool-tables. The going
rate for a game of pool is eight pesos ($NZ 0.50). The total
number of games you have played is recorded on a blackboard.
It has a small bar that serves a lot of beer and the occasional
mountain dew for me. Every time you finish a game, the owner
comes scurrying over and racks up the balls for you. Occasionally, one
of the local children will beat him to it in the hope that you will
either buy them a drink or give them some pesos.
The worse thing about Happy Corner is the Karaoke machine. It.
Is. Just. Too. Loud.
9 ball is a very popular game in The Philippines. Some Filipinos devote
most of the free time perfecting their pool technique and it shows. I
am constantly amazed with the long shots that the locals make with
consummate ease.
Several people have warned me about betting on a game with a local.
Their skill lies more in how close they can make the game appear to be,
as opposed to winning the game itself. Fortunately for me, I am not a
gambling man. Except for Cock fighting. I have a weak spot for Cock Fighting.
Marketside
Marketside is another local pool hangout run by a real character called Benshir (sp?). The locals seem
particularly fascinated by Rowen and I at Marketside. They watch our
games and clap when one of us makes a good shot.
The locals often subject Rowen and I to matchmaking games. A common
technique in Marketside goes something like this:
|
Malcolm and Rowen begin a new game of pool. A local man, who I shall
call Diversion-Boy, approaches Malcolm and asks if he can play a game.
Malcolm looks at Rowen, who shrugs his shoulders and says
"Sure". Diversion-Boy grins and starts to play Malcolm.
Meanwhile, another character, who I shall call Freebeer-boy, calls
Rowen over to the bar and offers to buy Rowen a beer. Now, Rowen loves
his beer and cannot resist, so he heads to
the bar to get his free beer from Freebeer-boy.
The grandmaster of the play, Cupid-boy, enters
the fray and introduces Available-girl to Rowen.
"Rowen, Rowen. Have you met my friend? Say
Hello. Say Hello." Available-girl smiles
politely.
At this point Rowen, or Single-White-And-Obviously-Rich-Boy,
makes conversation with Available-girl and attempts to leave in
the politest possible manner.
|
I joke about it, but this sort of thing happens all the time, and in
a way it's quite sad. Just being white makes you appealing to
some of the
female population. If they can get you to agree to marriage (divorce is
illegal in The Philippines), they get:
- Citizenship in a western country
- The opportunity to work in a western country
- Access to much more money than they could ever hope for in The
Philippines
The qualities of the man himself do not really come into it.
There are, of course, many marriages between western men and Filipino
ladies that are healthy for all the right reasons.
Assorted quotes overheard in both Happy Corner and Marketside
include:
- 'f anyone is stuffin' you 'round man, jus' lemme know
man. 'lemme know. I kill 'em for ya. I'll f***en'
kill 'em. (Boisterous laugh)
- You know man, you could haff any lay-dee you want. You
could haff as many lay-dees as you want. But, whateva you do
man, don't f*** my wife. (Boisterous laugh)
- See that guy? See that guy over there? He's a
f***en' rapist man. A f***en' rapist. He keeps doin' it
and nobody does nuffin'. Nah man. I'm only
kiddin'. I'm only kiddin'. (Boisterous laugh)
- Hey man, you know the Catholics right? The
Catholics? They're all f***en' Satanists man. F***en'
Satanists. (Boisterous laugh)
Later on this same guy came up to me and said: "You see those
kids? They're evil-doers."
I said "Why? Are they Catholics?"
He burst out laughing and said "No, no man. They're just
up past their bedtime. I am a Catholic too you know, so I
know all about evil-doing."
I am unsure how serious to take some of these quotes. Does the
boisterous laugh undo what was just said? I don't know. The
rapist quote is particularly confusing. Why would he joke about
something such as that?
Sometimes I just don't understand the Filipino humour and whether they
are having me on or not. The Agriculture Department wanted me to
bring along enough New Zealand food to feed ten people. I started panicing, wondering how I would
pull off such a culinary feat. They eventually let me off the
hook.
Sometimes I say something that I am sure would of gotten a laugh in New
Zealand but, in The Philippines, the joke is greeted with a hushed silence, or possibly
a quiet confusion. It works the other way around too. I say
something pretty innocuous and the room bursts into laughter.
Lunch Thyme Home Cook'n Restaurant
Lunch Thyme Home Cook'n Restaurant is a
favourite place for lunch. They do a mean Batchoy Special With
Egg. "Batchoy" means noodles with soup. Filipinos
just love Christmas and get into the spirit early. Christmas decorations
have been up at Lunch Thyme since October the first.
CC Tech Internet Cafe
CC Tech is the one-and-only Internet cafe in
Dumagas. The cafe is owned and operated by Juun-Juun and his
wife. They are a lovely people.
Juun is a well-respected computer technician, specialising in text
messaging technologies. He has been unable to work though, because
he has had terrible problems with his nerves that cause his face and body
to twitch uncontrollably.
The best thing about CC Tech is the people there. The worse
thing about CC tech is the Internet speed. It. Is.
Just. Far. Too. Slow. And. It.
Drives. Me. Crazy. This is a hard thing to happen to
an already crazy Crazymalc...
CC Tech is where I update this
site. Sometimes it takes me the best part of an hour.
Bakery
The local bakery is another favourite food
hangout. The very first time I went there was when I was craving
an ice cream. I saw their freezer and
selected an ice cream. I carefully examined it before
taking it to the counter. They sales assistant carefully wrapped it in
newspaper. I payed for my ice cream and left. I headed off down the
road and removed the newspaper and wrapper from my ice cream. To
my horror, I discovered that it took five minutes for the heat to morph my
icy-cool snack into a melted dribble. I ate in anyway.
They also have serve siapao
(shoo-pow) at the bakery, which is my favourite local food so far. Siapao
contains a boiled chicken egg and baboy (pork) encased in steam-cooked
dough. Yum.
SM City
SM City is a huge western style mall in Ilo Ilo city.
All
vehicles heading into SM city are checked for bombs. Armed guards search you
for weapons as you enter the complex. The search is never
very thorough though. It would be very easy to sneak a weapon in.
Apart
from a couple of rather oddly name retailers, SM
City is just like any other mega-mall in
the world.
|
